Surgery day

 It’s done. I survived. I made it through. 


It was a little more intense than they were expecting but Dr G did a great job fixing me up. 

Now I have to learn to rely on others to help meet my needs. It goes against every fiber in my being to rely on others. As wife and mom, it’s usually my job to take care of everyone. I’m their comfort, their heart, their home…. And yet, I find myself needing to be comforted- wanting my own mother to sit with me and stroke my hair. 


Alas, at 36 year olds and 5 states away, that seems impossible to get. I guess it’s true that you never stop needing your mom, no matter your age. 


There’s so much I’d like to remember about today - but just as many things I’d like to forget. I’d love to forget the pain and tears and dizziness. I’d like to remember the kindness my nurse showed me - and truly all the staff except for the recovery room nurse … she felt agressive to me but it could just be me misremembering due to my medication. My husband didn’t mention anyone being rude or horrible. 


The fight to get in the house and the determination to do things by myself are things I’d like to remember with fondness… but truthfully, all I’ve done is cry because I have no fight in me and because I can’t really do anything by myself. 


My children have snuggled, hugged, and loved cautiously, so as to not hurt me. I’ve updated people who have walked this journey with me; finding comfort in their experience and comfort and prayers. 


Yes, today was surgery. But I’m officially in the after and I believe I can do the hard things - even when I don’t want to. 

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