Freedom … for an hour

 Last night, after reading 15 different orthopedic surgeon follow up instructions for MPFL surgery, I decided to escape the brace for a little bit. 

To be clear: my only instructions were to leave it on for three days, then shower- which I followed. However, pre surgery, the PA shared that I would probably be in the brace for about 6 weeks. 

So, after deciding the risk was worth it, I removed the brace. I remained resting, with my leg elevated, and enjoyed the freedom of no constraints of movement other than the discomfort from surgery. It was not just nice, but needed for my soul. The mental toll these restrictions have taken on me are just too much at some points. I’ll take the wins when I can get them. 

As I am officially one week post op, I find myself reflecting on surgery. I woke that morning full of hope and nearly no nerves. I was grateful that I had been heard and validated and all of the things I’ve already written about. Despite my positive attitude, things still went wrong. The surgery was more intense. I had issues waking up (which have never happened to me. Ok, I’ve only ever had 3 other surgeries… but STILL!) 

I woke up from surgery confused and ill prepared of the extent of my injury - to be fair, I don’t think anyone can ever be fully prepared for surgery or post op. Every person is so different and though the steps to my surgery are “set in stone”, there’s no way to predict how any one person will feel after surgery. Doctors do their best to walk us through the process, but there’s just no way to know for sure how it’ll turn out. 

Anyway, it’s been a week of hard work. A week of crying and discomfort. A week of pain and a week lost with my family. I miss my kids and husband. It takes a lot of energy - mental and physical- to get up and leave the bedroom. Even bathroom runs leave me exhausted and wincing in pain. Reactivating my quad will most likely be the hardest part of this journey. 

There are a few safe exercises I can do from bed (mostly ankle rolls and stretches); but I try to do them to keep my muscles strong. I can do a leg stretch but that one doesn’t feel as good and requires so much focus. 

To be honest, I don’t know if the mental or the physical is hardest to heal. My spirits are all over the place, but I do try to stay positive as best I can. If that means taking the brace off for an hour, then I’m going to do it because that tiny bit of freedom felt amazing and wonderful. 

Here’s to one week post op. One more week until my follow up, where I hope to hear the words “you’re ready to start PT” and that things look good, but we’ll see. 

I don’t know if anyone reads these, but it’s been therapeutic. 

I’m going to get there. I know I’ll walk again, unassisted and prayerfully, without pain. 

Stay strong, self. We’re gonna make it. 




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